第246章

  十
  祭典不会停止，所有人都会沉溺于轮回，而我，为这个故事写上开头。
  。
  。
  。
  the offering
  one
  when the bell tolls，i know the ceremony is about to begin.
  it‘s a family tradition，held every eighteen years on this day，where the family hosts a grand and luxurious sacrificial rite to honor our supreme deity.
  two
  and i am the sole priestess in this ritual.
  three
  dressed in the intricate vestments of a priestess，i board the palanquin bound for the temple under my mother‘s worried gaze. before departing，i follow the old customs of the family and bestow the priestess‘s blessing upon the unborn child in my mother‘s womb.
  four
  the temple is built atop a mountain，and the palanquin stops at the foot of the hill. with a devout heart，i ascend the stairs leading to the temple one step at a time.
  the path is long，and the ceremonial robes feel exceedingly heavy，yet i do not sense the expected weariness.
  from birth，i was taught to shoulder the responsibilities of a priestess.
  five
  upon reaching the temple，i see everyone brimming with hope，tears welling in their eyes. they retreat naturally behind me，igniting the candle in my hand. i understand that the path ahead is mine alone to tread，for no one other than the priestess is allowed inside the temple.
  six
  the temple is dark; the door opens briefly before closing again. holding the only source of light，i slowly make my way inside. i swear that no one has ever entered here，for if they did，they would witness the bones strewn across the floor.
  seven
  upon seeing the so-called deity，i am not surprised. i merely undress，making myself ready for the ”deity‘s” feast.
  eight
  from the very beginning，i knew i was the sole offering in this ceremony.
  nine
  the child in my mother‘s womb is born. that is the next offering i leave to the family，the next ”me”. in eighteen years，he too will become a priest.
  ten
  the ceremony will not cease; all will be trapped in the cycle of rebirth. and i，i write the beginning of this tale.
  第4章 《富士山下》《昨日重现》
  《富士山下》
  beneath the fuji mountain
  一
  我在富士山下卖苹果，一半过去卖给自己，一半未来卖给行人。
  i sell apples at the foot of mount fuji，half sold in the past to myself，and half in the future to passersby.
  二
  苹果本就甘甜，我从不多加叙述，那些前来的人们自然会吃下这份无味的甘甜。
  apples are naturally sweet; i never elaborate much，for those who come will naturally partake of this sweetness without flavor.
  三
  孤独的人拿起团圆，悲伤的人拿起喜悦，他们在幸福中感受生命，然后用荒草堆起高高的坟墓，筑成被尘埃遮蔽的苹果树。
  lonely people grasp reunions，sorrowful ones seize joy，feeling life within happiness，then pile up tall tombs with wild grass，constructing apple trees veiled by dust.
  四
  待到春天，我会摘下苹果树的苹果，然后哭泣，在原地不停徘徊，画地为牢，最后将苹果树砍去。
  when spring arrives，i‘ll pick the apples from the apple tree，then weep，endlessly wandering in place，drawing a circle as my prison，finally cutting down the apple tree.
  五
  我也将自己种植，可树枝上空无一物，像是快要自尽的词汇，连同伤口一并揭开展露。
  i also plant myself，yet there‘s nothing on the branches，like words on the verge of suicide，exposing wounds along with themselves.
  六
  有风吹过，天地寒冷，于是我披上了灰烬的衣裳，挥舞起斧头，将自己一并砍倒。
  a breeze blows，the heavens and earth grow，and so i drape myself in ashes，wielding an axe，chopping myself down together.
  七
  我在富士山下卖苹果，一半死亡卖给自己，一半怜悯卖给行人。
  i sell apples at the foot of mount fuji，half death to myself，and half pity to passersby.
  1
  。
  1
  《昨日重现》
  一
  世界似乎从未有过哀悼，他们已经死去了，我将这份认知告诉那群大人，可大人们从不信任我。
  二
  我有一根结实的木杖和一盆长势一般的野草，但是他们一起死去了。
  三
  但我有个秘密。一旦推开那扇烧焦的大门，我便能重新找到我的木杖……以及，那盆枯黄着还拼命活着的野草。
  那根木杖的经络里面满是野草的坚韧，每次挥舞时，总会传来破风的声音。
  四
  可为什么呢？在一次又一次的重回中，那根心爱的木杖总会炫耀力量似地打向那盆毫不起眼的野草。
  五
  残暴者伪装高尚，被害者成为哑巴，木杖放在了野草身边，假装平安无事的小丑微笑。可野草啊，被践踏后只剩下荒芜的自我，用来掩饰曾欺凌的伤痕。
  六
  于是野草带着木杖死去了。在木杖落在我的身上前。
  七
  “那对夫妻果然很恩爱呢，连死亡都不能把他们分开，据说尸体从火灾现场救出时还紧紧抱在一起呢。”――我听着街坊邻居的议论，只觉得吵闹。他们什么都不知道。